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28 January 2007 @ 09:19 pm
The RENT characters spawn!  
Title: RENT next generation yes its without the caps
Fandom: RENT
Rating: Fic-PG Wank-PG-13
Favorite Quote: "...hobbies include playing her fender, and pleasing her man"

Hey all! I'm back and I have found a very wanky fic about...you guessed it, the RENT gang with children. I don't know why this type of fic is so popular. I don't think any of our beloved Bohemians would make very good parents but whatever. On with the wanking!

RENT second generation. Usually it is common practice to capitalize the first letters of each word within a title save for ones like and, of, or etc. This author has apparently forgotten this rule. Grammar has cried

I don’t own Rent, or any of its songs or characters. Really? I never could have figured that out. *headdesk* just own the following characters. Who probably wish they weren't created. Oh, and I love how these badfic/next generation of Bohemians have to give detailed character list. It's quite obvious that they can't figure out how to indentify a character in the actual prose

Miranda (Randi) Davis: Age 16, Roger and Mimi’s daughter I wouldn't have guessed her parents given her surname. Rock and Roll Princess. Of course. All of Roger's children have to be rock and roll lovers. Why can't one of them like opera or something?

Donna Davis: age 11, Roger and Mimi’s adopted daughter I highly doubt an adoption agency would allow a child into a home with two HIV+ dancers and one druggie. Wait, that's logic. This is badfic dancer. All of Mimi's spawn have to be dancers. None of them can be, I don't know, soccer players or anything

Cameron Cohen How original...his nick name is cam. *sigh*: Age 16, Marks son. Bleeding heart camera man. I don't think this author realizes there is much more potential for conflict if the children were NOT carbon copies of their parental units

Fay Cohen: Marks daughter Age 14, artist. rather generic, don't you think? After the dancer, Rock Princess and Bleeding Heart Camera man, artist just seems rather blah. I guess this kid isn't Mark's favorite

Reese Cohen: age 11, Marks son, singer.Oh yes, an eleven year old singer. Dream Street here he comes! *headdesk* Why can't any of these children want to be doctors or lawyers? Is anyone else curious who Mark shagged to get these three children? I sure as hell am!

Gina Jefferson- Johnson: Age 17 Maureen and Joanne’s daughter I love how the author didn't put adoptive. So wait, is one of these two girls really a guy? Or did they rob a sperm bank?- inventor. Again, rather generic. I would think scientist would be more appropriate but that's just me. I wonder if the loft is filled with her latest inventions

Harris Jefferson- Johnson: Age 15 Maureen and Joanne’s son, singer. Wow, am I sensing a band forming here? *rolls eyes*

Atticus Jefferson-Johnson: Age 10, Artist. Okay, we have two artists. I guess one of the girls robbed a sperm bank because none of these kids are adopted

Isabella Collins: Age 16, Collins and Angels adopted daughter Yes, I'm sure two HIV+men are the best parental choice for a child. *headdesk* Oh, and if they're all so broke, how the fuck can they afford to adopt kids? Dancer. Not, a philosopher or anarchrist or drummer? I'm shocked

Nicolas (Nicky) Well if someone called Nicolas "Nicky" we wouldn't be able to figure out who it is. *headdesk*Coffin: Age 16, Benny’s son, Performer. Now, you'd think this kid would want to be a banker or something sheesh!

Danny Coffin: age 15 Benny’s son, Performer. Again, you'd think he'd be a stock broker. I guess Benny's kids are going to be the ones that cause the conflict between parent and child

All other Characters belong to the fine People of Rent. Woah, how wanky is that? The People of Rent? What is that like a city? Like Oz or something?

Chapter one: Is everything alright? Once again, I feel it is important to point out the lack of capitalization

“December 24, 2006, Welcome apparently, the comma is the new period. Grammar is sobbing right now to a year in the life of my family Sounds exciting, let me get out the popcorn /sarcasm.” Cameron said filming loft filming loft? What the hell is that? and everyone around him you know, as opposed to filming the people on the street and saying they are his family. “First shot the lovely Randi Davis. Oh wow, this is so different from RENT. I mean Mark did not film Roger in the very beginning of the musical or anything. *headdesk* Randi lives in the room next door to mine we care why?along with my sister Fay; *weeps for the semi-colon her hobbies include playing her fender, and pleasing her man now that must be really awkward, considering that Cam's room is RIGHT NEXT TO HERS. Yeah, I wonder, does he listen and enjoy it? Oh, and I love at sixteen she's already got this great sexual relationship.”

“Shut up Cam.” Randi said tuning her guitar. much like Roger in the musical. I guess this author took the phrase like father like son and morphed it

“Okay next shot Donna Davis, showing my sister some dance moves I wonder what kind of dance she does. The author has yet to specify.” Cameron said even though this tag is completely unnecessary.

“Sorry private lessons, either you pay, or film something else.” Donna said blocking the camera.

“Next shot, Mark Cohen, my father drinking coffee with his long time friend Roger Davis, Father of Randi and Donna. Wow, this exposition really sucks. I mean this girl established the relationships before the fic even started. Why reiterate it? And everyone knows about Mark and Roger's friendshipGod this is boring especially the way we're written.” Cameron said turning off his camera. “Do you guys have any Idea when Collins and Isabella are gonna get here?”

“Not a clue, soon I hope, it’s getting cold outside” Mark said looking out the window. I thought he was seated at the table having coffee with Roger?

“I’m going out for a walk.” Roger said putting down his Coffee which is now a Proper Nounand Grabbing his Jacket. Which has also graduated to proper noun status. I wonder if anyone has alerted the MLA...

“Take your Unless Mark is going ghetto AZT woah, it's 2006. I think AIDS research has come a long way since AZT when you get back!” Mark called, but he herd a bunch of sheep and cattle which were randomly standing around the loft was the door slam. Donna looked out the window. Despite the fact that she was giving dance lessons like three seconds ago

“Where is he going? When will he be back?” Donna asked in fear of what? I don't think Roger leavng is something to be afraid of.

“Chill Donna, he’s just going out for a walk.” Randi said, stroking her guitar. because most people stroke their guitars instead of actually playing them

“Are you sure he’s not going to visit Mama?” Donna asked, Mimi has spent the last couple months in a drug rehap, drug rehap? Is that anything like Rehab? I wonder. since then Roger has had his good days and his bad days like most people do. I mean seriously, I wake up some mornings and I'm in a great mood. Other mornings, I hate the world. It's normal. I don't see why this author needs to point that fact of life out to us.

“He wouldn’t go with out us.” Randi reassured her. I'm sure everyone takes children into drug rehab places. Oh wait, this is drug rehap. Never mind. They're probably two different things Donna sighed and continued to look out the window; she started to sing a song. Gee, I wonder what song she'll sing. Ten bucks says it's No Day But Today

“The heart may freeze.

Or it can burn.

The pain will ease.

If I can learn.

There is no future.

There is no past.

I live each moment as.

My last…….

There’s only us.

There’s only this.

Forget regret.

Or life is yours to miss.

No other road, no other way.

No day but today.”
Yay for copy and paste lyrics of No Day But Today! And I love how this author needs to tell us what song this kid sings. It's not enough to say she's singing. We need the copy paste lyrics too

Randi looked and sighed at her little sister. How do you sigh at someone? Is it like yelling at them? Randi understood everything that was happening to her mother and father like what? One's an ex-druggie, one's in rehab? They both have HIV? I mean there's not a lot going on with them besides those two obvious points, but Donna didn’t understand any of it. Really? That poor kid is being kept in the dark All she was told was Mama was going away on a vacation and would come back soon. but the kid seems to know that her father can visit her mother. Obviously it's not your typical vacation resort. Oh and since she's seen Mimi in said resort, she knows it's not exactly Hawaii Nobody had the heart to tell her that Mimi had gone to clean off drugs. She's cleaning off drugs? What? Does that make any sense to you? I've heard she's going to kick her drug addiction, she's going to get clean but never those two together Randi walked over to the window. Wasn't she sitting at the window? Oh, I'm so confused

“Hey sissy *sporfle*, you wanna help me write a song for tomorrow?” Randi asked. Donna smiled and walked with Randi to the couch. Yay for needless description Meanwhilecomma downstairs in a store down the street Collins was walking with a 16 year old African American girl with long black hair and green eyes. Wow! Run-on sentence much? She was wearing a red Spanish skirt What exactly is a red Spanish skirt? with a white men’s shirt despite the fact that she is a girl and a red jacket, covered by a leather coat. must be freezing in order to wear a jacket and a coat Collins went in the store instead of walking around or past it, well ? the girl who was carrying a bucket drum sticks is that similar to a bucket of fried chicken? She just got the drumsticks?sat down and started making a beat with the drum. because you don't drum a rhythm. No, you make a beat Collins looked outside at the girl he smiled, instead of grimmaced when he recalled just how many ATMs he had to rewire in order to afford her everyday she reminded him more of angel. Who, since she's dead, is no long a person. Therefore, her name does not need to be capitalized She was just like her despite the fact that she's adopted. He remembered how he got her in much the same way he would get a puppy.

----Flashback---- Because this author doesn't know how to let us know, via good exposition, that a flashback is going to occur. I love how we need the little notification

Collins was sitting in an adoption office waiting to find out about the child he was adopting and wondering how the hell he was going to pay for said child. A tall man with brown hair and glasses came in.

“Mr. Collins, before I give you the information about your child even though it's not yours yet because you haven't paid, I wanted to address something.” The man said.

“Okay.” Collins responded.

“On this form when it asked for second parent, you put down Angel Dumott Schunard,most people would put a period or full stop here. I guess this guy just speaks quickly and ignore puncuation we did a background check and he’s been dead for years.” So wait, what year does this scene take place? I mean, okay if Angel is dead, then she never met the child. So how could this child have her mannerisms? The man said “And you could have but down none, you don’t have a reason to lie to us do you?” Huh?

“No.” Collins responded yay for no puncuation! “But if Angel were alive today he, she wow...Collins would have said she. would want to be in this child’s life as a parent. There for one word sweet cheeks I figured I’d put her name down just for the sake of it. You know, kinda as a memorial or something. Even though I could have just told the child about her. It's more of a plot conivence.”

“Okay” The man responded a bit afraid of Collins ton of voice. Yes, I'm sure his voice is quite heavy. Apparently it weighs a ton. Oh, and I love how Collins isn't even threatening and this adoption guy is freaking out. Well I guess I'd be freaked too if some guy dropped his 2,000 pound voice on me “Then you just need to fill out this form, which probably would have been done already. I love how badfic authors don't believe in research has your child’s information Grammar cried, we found you a baby African girl, she has no name so you may choose the name now if the kid is like, oh I don't know, six or so, I would hope the adoption agency named the little bastard. Otherwise, it'd be really awkward calling her, "hey you!", and because you have AIDS you probably won't be getting this child will need to put down the name of her God mother or Father. even though you're probably not Catholic and no other religion calls these people God parents. *sighs*” The man handed a form to Bobo, Erik's imaginary friend, and left. He put down Mark Cohen for her godfather now poor God isn't even capitalized, and then he got to the name part. “What was Angel’s sister’s name?” Am I the only one who didn't know Angel had a sister?He asked himself, and then he remembered do do his laundry when he got home and to roll a few more joints. He wrote down Isabella Collins.

---End of Flashback---We couldn't have figured that out on our own

Collins walked out of the store and looked at Isabella eating her KFC.

“Come on Belle "Little town, it's a quiet village. Every day, like the one before. /Beauty and the Beast moment, We better get to Mark and Rogers There is more then one Roger living with Mark. That's scary before they start worry.” Collins said. Isabella picked up the bucket and smiled.

“Okay, let’s go.” Isabella said. WOAH! POV WHIPLASH BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And we didn't even get a paragraph change! Meanwhile comma back at the loft. comma Roger returned home. He closed the door instead of leaving it openand saw Randi and Donna asleep on the couch. Why not in their beds? He smiled and walked to the counter, he was wondering where Mark, Cameron, Fay, and Reese were. He's doing a lot of wondering But then he saw his girls and smiled. He carefully shook them both.

“Randi, Donna, Wake He has a third child? up.” Roger whispered. Donna sat up and rubbed her eyes. Randi just yawned.

“I guess we fell asleep, Didn’t Roger has a fourth child! Woah! He really can't pick names very well we Randi?” Donna asked with her wonderful smile.

“Yeah” Randi said “Dad, did you take your AZT?”

“I’m going to know that I'm using backwards AIDS treatmentbabe.” Roger said walking to the kitchen. The phone rang; Donna ran to the phone and answered it.

“Hello? Mama!” Donna said in a excited voice.

“Mom?” Randi asked.

“Mimi?” Roger said looking from the corner. What, are they all on fucking speaker? Mimi can suddenly hear them now? What the fuck?

“Mama, when are you coming home? I miss you.” Donna asked in a hopeful voice only to grow sad wow, I didn't know a voice could grow sad“Not till new years? Which is no longer a holiday and therefore does not need to be capitalized Okay. You wanna talk to Randi? Okay. Randi bandi, candi, sandi what the fuck? How old is this kid? Three? Not how an eleven year old would act! Mama wants to talk to you!” Randi took the phone from Donna and talked into the phone. I mean you wouldn't talk at the phone. Usually you talk into it

“Hello?” Randi asked.

“Hi sweetheart, how are you doing?” Mimi asked on the other line yeah because they're not using two cans and a string to communicate. Randi looked down.

“Okay, I...I really miss you.” Randi said.

“I miss you too.” Mimi said.

“Are you making any friends?’ Randi asked.

“Yeah, but some of the guys look at my ass.” *rolls eyes* Mimi replied. Randi kind of giggled, but it wasn’t real.

“Yeah, Dad’s gonna love that.” Randi said hearing Mimi laugh over the other line, Randi was close to tears but she held them back. Why? It's not like she's dying! “I suppose you want to talk to him, Merry Christmas Mom, I love you..”

“Merry Christmas Randi, I love you too.” Mimi said. Randi handed the phone to Roger before she walked to her room and locked the door. She picked up her teddy bear, the one that Mimi got for her when they went to the zoo, when Randi was five. And she hugged it as tight as she could. Thoughts began racing in her head. Woah, more POV whiplash

“Why did mom have to start using drugs again?”

“Why do I have to lie to Donna?”

“Why can’t mom be here for Christmas?

“She should be here!”

“She should have never started using again!”

“I shouldn’t have to lie!”

“That’s what this is one big lie!”

“Dad and I are always pretending everything’s alright”

“But they aren’t! They aren’t! And they haven’t been in a long time!” Why are these "thoughts" all different paragraphs? Wouldn't it be more powerful if they were one stream of conscience?

Randi threw the bear at the wall, and went to her knees and began bawling her eyes out like crazy. why?

“Damn, Damn, Damn, Damn! I've grown accustomed to her face! /My Fair Lady Moment” Randi whispered.

“Randi?” Roger asked “Is everything okay?” Where did he come from?He asked Randi looked up and cleared her voice.

“Yeah, I’m just tired; I think I’m going to go to bed.” Randi said.

“Okay” Roger said “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Randi said wiping her tears, she sighed and walked over to the dresser, she opened the top drawer and looked inside and saw a music box, and it was a tan color with roses and vines painted on it. Pointless descriptionShe opened it as it played Musseta’s waltz. *groans and rolls eyes* Randi changed out of her clothes and into some blue p.j.’s and closed the box before she climbed into bed. It wasn’t long before Fay entered. Fay looked at her friend.

“How was the liveI really think it's LIFE café?” Randi asked.

“Fun, why didn’t you come?” Fay asked unbuttoning her shirt to entice her roommate change into her pajamas.

“The Cohen’s don’t get to get out as a family much, you guys needed have a dinner just you guys” Randi said.Besides, I was busy wangsting away

“Randi, as far we’re concern, the Davis Family and The Cohen family are just one big happy family.” Fay said.If people actually talked like this, the world would be a scary place.

“It’s been six months Fay, Six months since the Davis Family broke up, Six months since my mom went to drug rehap which is similar to drug rehab but it's not the same thing.” Randi said stroking her long Black has now been promoted to a proper noun hair.

“Mimi will come back Randi.” Fay said sitting on her bed. “She just needs time to pick up the pieces of her life.” even though that happened in the musical

“That’s just it, she doesn’t have the time to pick up the pieces of her life, and she has AIDS remember?” Yeah I think we all know that. Thanks for telling us again though Randi said sitting up. “I was lucky enough to be born when my parents had HIV, I was lucky my parents were able to take a drug, so I wouldn’t get HIV. They have a drug to prevent a fetus from developing HIV but they are still using AZT in this fic? What the fuck?They both have AIDS now, since when? My Dad’s healthy enough that he can last for years not once it's progressed to AIDS...but this is badficif he takes he meds, but My Mom she’s not as healthy.”

“Randi, you and Mimi will have plenty of time together; your family will be complete, okay?” Fay said. Randi looked at her and smiled.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Randi said, hugging Fay and they began to smex and then wangst.

“Now if everyone else could get that what?.” Fay said, they both laughed “Come on it’s only nine, how about we watch a movie?”

“Sounds great.” Randi said getting up, they both walked out. even though no one cares

“Sweetie, I thought you were going to bed.” Roger said.

“I changed my mind.” Randi said “So what Movie our we going to watch?”

“Pirates of The Caribbean!” Donna and Reese said at the same time.

“Okay.” Roger said walking over to the D.V.D Collection when they herded more cattle. It was getting quite annoying, all that livestock running throughout the loft two voices yell.

“Hey Bitches!”I love how that's the only thing Collins can say in badfic! Reese and Donna ran to the window.

“It’s Collins!” Reese yelled.

“And Isabella too.” Donna yelled running to the counter grabbing the keys as Reese opened the window. Mark nodded at Reese.

“Hey Collins, try not to get your ass kicked! *rolls eyes* Enough of the blantant lyric rip-offs!” Reese yelled throwing the keys to Collins. Everyone laughed. Seconds later Collins and Isabella walked in, Collins looked at Mark.

“Why are you teaching your son bad habits?” He asked.

“Because it’s funny.” Mark said hugging Collins. Everyone followed and then walked over to Isabella it must be a weird sort of bohemian ritual. Almost minutes later all the kids were on the couch singing as Isabella played the drum on her bucket oh wow, I wonder how the author thought this up. /sarcasm.

“Today for you, tomorrow for me.

Today for you, tomorrow for.

It was my lucky day today on Avenue A

When a lady in a limousine drove my way she said.

Darling be a dear, haven’t slept in a year,

I need your help to make my neighbors yappy dog disappear.

This Akita-Evita just won’t shut up; I believe if you play non-stop.

That dog will breathe it’s very last high strong breath.

I’m certain that cur will bark itself to death.

Today for you, tomorrow for me.

Today for you, tomor…..”
Cut and paste lyrics

They stopped when the powers that be decided this fic was horrible and deleted it from the author's hard drive went out.

Disclaimer- I do not own the song Another day and Today for you Tomorrow for me. Thank God for small favors!

Current Mood: amusedamused
Krystal: RENTantidrugozdustdancer on January 29th, 2007 08:38 pm (UTC)
omg i seriously died between laughter of your comments and how awful this fic was...
I loved the special appearence of Bobo, and Beauty and the Beast/My Fair Lady moments lol