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06 January 2007 @ 05:37 pm
This person should go to jail for butchering plays....  
This one makes me cry a little....

Title: The Musical
Fandom: RENT/Wicked/Annie Get Your Gun...and so on
Rating: EB - for Eyes Bleeding
Favorite Quote: My transsexual heart is full of glee


Scene 1

(The scene is set in a shabby dressing room at the backstage of an abandoned theater. Our charaters: Glinda, Leo Bloom, Angel, The Phantom, and Annie Oakley are sitting on various chairs, tables, crates and makeup trunks in a small circle as if they were in a Life Support Meeting.)

Opening Song: There’s Only Us (Sung to the tune of Life Support from Rent)

Glinda: Glinda.

Leo: Leo.

Annie: Annie

Angel: Hi, I’m Angel.

Phantom: Phantom…. of the opera.

All: There’s only us

In this dressing room

No directors

or even scripts.

No door to get out

Or door to get in

No way to escape.

There is no way.

Glinda- Hello, my dear fictional characters. I would use my magical powers to get us out but I’m afraid I do not have my wand. I’m sure that we will all be able to use our best qualities to defeat the mysterious evil that trapped us in this very dressing room.

Angel- You go honey!

Glinda- My best quality is of course being popular! Since determining each of our best qualities will help us to escape let’s go around the circle and tell everyone what your best quality is.

Leo- (While fidgeting with his blue blanket and rubbing it all over his face)- Umm… wellI guess I’m pretty good at math and accounting things. But I feel rather uncomfortable sharing my p-p-personal information in front of a group of questionable looking strangers.

Glinda- Well that’s ok. We’ll go on to the next person. What is your most swankified quality?

Angel- (While flipping his/her hair) Well honey, I guess you can say I’m Wonder Woman! I can play one heck of a pickle jar, I have outstanding taste in clothing and I have AIDS!

Glinda- Well, silly everyone has AIDS! How about you?

Annie- I’m a champeen shooter. I can shoot the blond right out of yer hair if only I had my gun, why I could shoot the mask right off this here man’s face!

Phantom- No! (A clap of thunder is heard and a flash of lightening appears as the Phantom of the Opera theme song plays in the background.) No one can ever see below this mask!

Leo- Why must you be so angry? It’s making me very uncomfortable.

Angel- It’s ok honey, you know you can take off your mask and we’ll all support you and help you through everything.

Phantom- You will never understand. (Swishes cape and marches away from the group into the corner of the room.)

Glinda- Well now that Mr. Grumpy-wumpy is out of the circle let’s celebrate!

End of Scene 1


Scene 2

Scene 2 starts with Angel approaching the Phantom in the corner of the room while Glinda attempts to have an intelligent conversation with Annie but is failing. Leo is watching the two girls talk while clutching on to his blue blankie and sweating uncontrollably.

Makeup- (Sung to the tune of “Popular” from Wicked)

Angel: Now that we’ve talked I’ve decided to make you my new friend.

Phantom: You really don’t have to do that.

Angel: Oh honey, but I do. (grins)

Whenever I see someone less beautiful than me.

And let’s face it.

Phantom: Who is it?

Less beautiful than me

My transsexual heart

Is full of glee

And when someone needs some cheering up

There is no way to shut me up

I know, I know exactly what you need.

And in this suitcase

I have everything to fix your face

Won’t need plastic surgery

I’ve achieved mastery

For it’s my specialty…


I’ll do your makeup

I’ll fix your face

You won’t be a disgrace

Little blush for your cheeks.


No need to do your hair

Who cares what you wear

Everyone will be looking at your makeup.

It’s all about the makeup

And with some help from I

Kiss that mask good-bye

For it’s very plain to the eye

You’re makeup’s really really, really really really fly!

(Angel hands the Phantom a mirror)

You look gorgeous darling!

(Blows a kiss)

Phantom: Why thank you Angel.

Angel of Make-Up (Sung to the tune of Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera)

Phantom: Where in the world have you been hiding?

Really you are stylish

I really wish I knew your secret

My skin is glowing

I used to dream of good skin

I never thought it’d be real

Now I know that my dream

Was not a fairytale!

Here in this room is my dear Angel

She is the best

Somehow I know things will get better

Oh and I love your vest.

Angel: Phantom you must realize

Dreams can really come true

I really like singing

And I like you!

Phantom: Angel of makeup

You are brilliant

And you look good in lace

Angel of Makeup

I no longer have to hide my face!

(Angel and Phantom hug and then start conversing about the Phantom’s new makeover when Glinda comes and taps The Phantom on the shoulder. When he turns around Glinda shrieks.)

Glinda: (With a horrified face) You look (an awkward pause followed by a sudden outburst and gleaming face.) FABULOUS! Let’s celebrate!

End of Scene 2


Scene 3

(The scene begins with our featured characters sitting in a circle again with Angel and the Phantom holding hands and gazing dreamily into each others eyes. Annie looks confused at the couple. Glinda is too engrossed in her own beauty and popularity to notice and Leo shares his opinion on the couple in song:)

Song 3 (“Sung to the Tune of Doin’ What Comes Nat’rally” from Annie Get Your Gun)

Leo: Folks are queer where I come from

And You two remind me

Of two folk I used to know

In New York City. (In New York City)

Roger DeBris was his name

And Carmen was the other

They didn’t take after dear old dad

They took after their mother! (took after their mother)

(Starts making hillbilly noises and twirling his blue blankie in the air.)

I’m sorry. Everyone else was singing. It was making me hysterical. I SING WHEN I’M HYSTERICAL! Why is everyone looking at me? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(Leo runs around the room in a hysterical fashion clutching on to his blue blanket even harder than before.)

Annie: What is wrong with this fella? He seems to be cookier than a quail with his tail on fire!

Glinda: (While filing her nails) He must have not been popular as a child.

Phantom: Not everyone who wasn’t popular as a child turns out weird.

Glinda: (Continuing to file her nails) Mmmmmmmhmmmm, if you say so. . .

Angel: Is anyone going to do anything about him?

(Glinda looks up from filing her nails and everyone exchanges looks.)

Glinda: You seem like a people person Angel. You helped Phantom why don’t you give him a shot? After all, these things are meant to try us…

Angel: Ok, ok I’ll try to help Mr. Loco en el cabeza.

End of Scene 3

can i cry now? pleaseee??

Lanalanafromoz on January 7th, 2007 11:23 am (UTC)
Oh my. It seems that the entire gang is present...
uranium_lullabyuranium_lullaby on January 7th, 2007 05:00 pm (UTC)
...holy shit.
i'm amazed anyone has survied reading this.
mysterylover17mysterylover17 on January 29th, 2007 07:26 am (UTC)
OMG you are brave for reading that. I need mind bleach now!